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Let your manners speak for you
Life isn’t always about bigger, faster, better.
There is a subtle quality in silence. There is so much you give away just by being. Listening, being attentive. You don’t have to show off. Some people try to make up what they lack in manners by being erratic or even rude. Manners is what allows us to co-exist in society. I can’t imagine a place or a time without them.
We seemingly find that educated people have manners, but that isn’t the rule. Sometimes people that have received schooling feel that they have an earned right to be arrogant. The same people are the ones who start wars to kill thousands of people in the name of peace.
There is a lot to be said about manners but the most striking observation is that manners are taught and practised daily. You can’t buy manners. You start very young, learning from your family and you environment what constitutes good manners and what is acceptable. There are cultural differences at play here but for the most part, you environment will define you.
Manners are the what separates us from cannibals, not animals. Animals have manners too. Manners are part of the first impressions we get of someone we meet. It reveals so much about their belief system, their worries, fears and what they have been through. It also shows what are their values and priorities.
You can tell if someone is a narcissist and self-centred even before they speak. It is amazing how we don’t pay any attention to what we project to others through our behaviour. We are taught “good manners” from a young age and most certainly in school. It almost always revolve around being quiet, doing your job and not saying anything more than you have been asked.
Freedom of expression plays a role in how we develop manners. The how is somewhat debatable when the schooling establishment engineers into our brain, through repetition and scoring systems, an acceptable school of thought, that we translate later in life as justified behaviour. That drives us and develops our behaviours and mannerisms.
Concepts like, love, compassion, grace, active listening are low in the schooling system and thus instead instil us with a set of mannerisms equivalent of machine logic.
Life isn’t always about bigger, faster, better. We do need progress, otherwise we die, but reflection and meditation is our compass.
We need to educate ourselves beyond the schooling we have been subjected too, willingly or not. Continuous learning and knowing how to deduce knowledge from an abundance of information sources is a worthwhile goal.
Getting to know ourselves better and examining our behaviours and our manners and how they came to be is an important exercise.
Starting by observing our own inner monologue, as if we were an outside spectator, watching it on the theatre of our mind.
Be kind to yourself. Be grateful.
The past is in the past. No one is judging. Start fresh this moment.
Out with the old beliefs that don’t serve you anymore and in with the new insights about you.
We can’t contribute to others if we are empty inside.